KU bishop square

Those who have been to KU have probably heard of the Bishop’s Square, the open space outside Western Dining Hall and designed like the Graduation Square located outside Eastern Dining Hall. It was named after a well known Archbishop who was then a Bishop in his church. We will not name the Archbishop because he is still active in his religious call and is a prominent politician in Nyanza. We will only mention that Honorable James Orengo would have celebrated if that Volvo car belonging to the Archbishop was burnt down in the recent past. The Archbishop happens to be his relative too. Don’t ask me why he would probably celebrate to learn that a car of an archbishop and a relative has been burnt down by students over the passions of the Archbishop. It is all about politics and little about morality. This is a case of politics being thicker than blood.



Students at the universities hated seeing all those limousines arriving at odd hours at night. I remember the days when lights would go off, thanks to KPLC. Students would go on rampage. Male students would head to women’s hostel and the anger would be directed at the “good cars”. In KU, those beaten cars would be spared while the limos would be on fire or have their windscreen smashed by the students, some getting overturned as their owners got stoned and chased out of the university. The argument was that the VW Beatles and other beaten cars mostly belonged to former students, teachers who were coming to meet their sweethearts and like the students were struggling financially.



The limos were thought to belong to sugar daddies. Students hated sugar daddies. They took your sweetheart and she forgot you as soon as he flashed those notes. Some female students claimed that some of those fellows were relatives coming to visit at night although questions were also raised about the kissing and the late night visits. The poor male students were referred to as cockroaches or clipboards by the female students. They were the students who didn’t have any fixed room they would be visiting. Some of these cockroaches were weird. A couple of psycho cockroaches were known to sneak into the women shower rooms and like real cockroaches would like into the ceiling and hide there. They would then have a field day watching naked women take shower.



They were called cockroaches because they were known to move from one hostel room to another in search of a woman for a date or just go to the hostels aimlessly, just to have a look at the beauties. Some used the excuse of discussing academic work to visit the hostels and spent too much time doing nothing. Female students show the cockroaches as nuisance.



They were also clipboards because instead of driving a good car during a date in the women hostel, they carried their only valuable, a clipboard which was used for notes taking. Instead of parking their valuables at the right place, they would park the clipboard on the bed of the female student or place it on her table as they sat on the bed.



Many of these cockroaches were members of KUFA (Kenyatta University Floaters Associations). KUFA was the union of the cockroaches. They didn’t have girlfriends and were full of lust and frustrations. They spent hours sitting on those blocks of stones built on most paths leading to the hostels and above the sewage line. They would sit on the blocks known as frustration stones for hours discussing women and any other nonsense as they watched the beauties pass by. They would be seated near women hostels or at the shopping center where they would have a good view of the beauties. It these cockroaches who would look for any opportunity to burn down or smash vehicles belonging to the well to do visitors. They loved blackouts because they got opportunities to revenge, as if it was the tycoons and sugar daddies stopping them from getting dates.



There were problems facing the owners every time a car got burnt down. Those who were sneaking to the hostels for dates had a hard time explaining how and why the car burnt down to their insurance companies and to their wives. Some fellows were caught kissing outside the women hostels and would face a barrage of stones from the cockroaches. That would be double or triple tragedy, getting your car burnt down, facing a furious wife and then facing the car insurance.



In one instance, a friend was dating a cute lady from my district and never suspected that that she was having a good time with a tycoon. She lived at Aberdares, the hostel next to the main administration block. One day he met her applying lipstick at around 10 at night and dressing to kill. She never expected him that evening and had in fact passed by his Menengai Hostel (located close to Aberdares Hostel) from the dinning hall. She was wise, probably not. She spent quality time with him in his room that day as she usually did. The fellow got some good attention and so she thought he would not find any need to go to her hostel after that. But on this day, he just got suspicious, may be the seventh sense and went to visit her. He was surprised to see her dressing to kill. She was dressed in a nice evening dress, good for an outing. She explained that she just felt like applying lisptick to “look and feel good” and was going nowhere. She explained that she was dressed in an evening dress because it was an evening. He was not satisfied but he left.



The fellow went collecting huge stones, good enough for a Gor Mahia and AFC fans fight and put them in a backpack. He also packed more stones in his pockets and like a Gor Mahia fan, was ready for the intifada. He then went inside the Kei Apple fence located near the Aberdares Hostel and spent a good one hour waiting. He was “checking” each car arriving to pick-up or drop off somebody but never gave up.



Around 11 PM, a tycoon arrived driving a Mercedes Benz. He saw him park the limo and go to the hostel and then leave with his sweetheart holding her hand and kissing her repeatedly as they went into the car. The tycoon was visibly happy and was in very good mood as he walked to his car holding her hand close to his chest. She was also looking very happy. May be she was waiting for the time when they tycoon would continue from where my friend had left. Little did she know that her other man was watching her. He was at this time getting irritated and suffering from mosquito bites and the thorns from Kei Apple piercing his skin. He was probably wondering whether these are the frogs they talk about one kissing before he is able to get his sweetheart. These must have been painful kisses from the frog. He felt like crying as he waited for a good opportunity to teach the frog a lesson.



The fellow then did what has made us proud of our country runners. He took off as the Mercedes Benz left Aberdares Hostel and run after it at night. He was a wise fellow and little did know that he could compete for an Olympic Marathon. He didn’t follow the car but cut across then grassy area where they park buses during graduation ceremonies (near the current AVU building, run across the bushy area. He arrived at the gate at the same time the Mercedes Benz was arriving there. The driver had to wait for the gate to be opened. His was a shortcut but we must salute the fellow for running faster than anybody else known to chase a Mercedes Benz. We suggested the following the day that he tries sports.



The fellow arrived on time to throw a couple of stones at the Mercedes, some stones landing on the vehicle and other at the security officers. The security officers thought the university was going on strike as a hail of stones landed at the Mercedes Benz and on them. The vehicle was reported to have been damaged. The backscreen gone as the security officers took off as the stones kept on flying towards them. The Mercedes Benz took off under a hail of stones towards the City with his sweetheart as he returned to his hostel panting and sweating. He was throwing the stones from a distance but close enough to cause damage. He was happy with the damage caused to the Mercedes Benz but upset with the damage he knew the tycoon would cause to his sweetheart.



We were happy with what he accomplished but upset that he went crying in front of his sweetheart as he knelt before her and pleaded with her to stop dating that tycoon. We believe she stopped seeing him thereafter. He is now happily married to her and that is why we will not name him although he shall remain on the list of shame.



The Archbishop was then just a Bishop in his church. He was still very rich and was known to have a couple of wives. His church is not averse to a Bishop or Archbishop marrying more than one wife. He was later to venture into politics and become a senior politician at one time during the Moi era.



The Archbishop was then dating a student who was also dating a peer in KU. The date was residing at Suswa Hostel. The hostel located near the post office and near the gate separating KU with Kahawa Barracks. At that time the gate separating KU with Kahawa Barracks and located near the post office used to be open for passersby people but was heavily guarded by the military police. Students would go to buy cheap alcohol and spirits in the Army Barracks and return via that gate. The military fellow also used to come to KU for discos and for dates. Nobody complained about the military fellows because they also provided a cheap avenue for beer and spirits. Students would also run there during riots for protection. The police would not dare cross to the barracks. I think Kenya Bus No. 45 used to also ply that route at one time or would drop off students off at the famous Ngong Hostel.



On that afternoon, the Archbishop had arrived and parked his new Volvo car at the now Bishop’s Square and then walked to Suswa Hostel. The boyfriend had noted that the Bishop was a frequent visitor and so on this day decided to teach him a lesson.



The boyfriend was reported to have bought gasoline ahead of time. He then waited for the Bishop to go to the hostel and gave him a few minutes to settle down and have a good time with his date. He then alerted his friends and then made the noise usually made whenever one wanted the troops to assemble, a kind of ululation and whistling which would attract cockroaches in seconds. Within seconds, students had surrounded the Bishop’s Volvo. The car was overturned and was in flames in a few minutes. At the time the car went on fire, the students started to sing the popular Swahili gospel song, Moto Umewaka Leo. The part where one sings about the fire being the work of Jesus (Na moto ni kazi ya Yesu), the cockroaches sang about the fire being the work of the bishop (Moto ni kazi ya Bishop).



The Bishop is said to have learnt of his car going on fire. He immediately left Suswa Hostel running towards the Post Office and to the Kahawa Barracks as he quickly run holding his cassock and the dog’s collar he had worn at the time of the visit to KU. He was reported to have reached the fence separating KU with Kahawa Barracks as he pleaded with the security officers and military to open the gate. He then requested for Military intervention (they just let him seek for alternative transportation back home) as his car went in flames with the cockroaches celebrating the good work they had done as they continued singing moto umewaka leo na moto ni kazi ya Bishop !