KU had two dining halls in the 80s during my undergrad days, Eastern and Western Kitchens. Then students didn’t have to cook or buy food as it was all catered for. We also got boom, which was Ksh. 2,700 per semester in 1985 when I joined the University and rose to Ksh, 5000 a semester after one year. It was common for students to go for two or three rounds especially during the times when chicken and chapatti were offered. One talked of going back for masters or PhD to imply going for two rounds. Sometimes the masters and doctoral programs were not necessary if a cooperative cook was serving food since you could get as much food as you wanted. Other times, it became necessary to get out of the dining hall and return on the queue for round two or three.
Western kitchen had one mean cook. I think his name was Mungai and students especially those who loved taking double portions hated him with a passion. He was a tall and strong elderly looking man. Mean looking and can’t remember ever seeing him smile. He looked like he was a retired Mau Mau Veteran. He just served you food and asked you to move on (for the next student). A student would normally get additional food, more meat or chapatti or eggs with most of the cooks. Mungai would turn down such requests. It was the insults which would result to a turn down which would make someone die in laughter.
On eggs, mostly boiled for breakfast, you would hear a student ask the elderly looking mzee Mungai for an extra egg or two and then he would shout no. Then the student would ask him whether it was his wife or daughters laying those eggs. He would respond with a Mwai Kibaki response of kumbavu, kwenda huko.
On chicken or beef, Mungai would again turn down a request for nyongeza (additional) and a student would respond: “kwani ni bibi wako alichinjwa?” (Was it your wife who got slaughtered?). One time a student was said to have been too angered by Mungai that he threw back the soup at him while he hurled a plate at him. Other students intervened on behalf of the students and Mungai took off, back to the kitchen.
Milk was also served in the morning for cereals or for drinking. Mungai would again turn down any request for additional milk. A students would then ask him whether it was his wife or daughters who got milked (kwani ni bibi wako alikamuliwa hayo maziwa?)
Other cooks were well liked because they would give you additional food as long as there was enough. At one time during my KU days around 1987, a circular or order came from the VC office, can’t remember whether it was displayed on the boards. Taking of sausages outside the dining hall was banned. Students were surprised. Then one could take food out without question. Cooks were only allowed to give students sausages which they had to consume in the dining hall. Taking of extra bananas was also prohibited. There were good reasons for the ban.
A Catholic sister attending undergraduate studies in KU was reported to have been have been rushed to hospital in an ambulance and was hospitalized after a sausage was said to have stuck inside her private parts. That news or rather sad report caused excitement in the University. Male students were heard complaining and wondering why the sister would result to use of artificial sausages when she could have received their natural and live sausages. It was the talk of the university for a long time.
There was also another cook working in Western kitchen. He hated serving food because he did not wish students to know that his career involved cooking. He was a very handsome Kamba man. Mono eyed and loved to attend discos at Harambee Hall. He would date girls and take them to the servant quarters where he resided. He would lie to them that he was a graduate student at the University studying food science or some other fancy graduate courses. Many women got laid by this fellow. He dressed to kill and had more money than most of the students. So he would take the girls to some fancy hotels such as Blue Posts, Danga or Winda Highway Motel and then take them to his house. Some of those girls would collapse on meeting him at the kitchen serving food and then they would know that the fellow was a super conman. They would be too embarrassed to ask him why he conned them to bed.
There was another cook, actually a supervising cook who drove a Toyota Corolla car. He was a tall fellow who didn’t like people telling him that he was a cook. He was always smartly dressed, always in a well tailored suit and walking around campus with a briefcase. He spoke very good English and liked to hangout with lecturers and professors. You would be excused to think that he was a lecturer. He dressed better than most lecturers anyway. He actually wanted to be referred to as a Professor back home in Luyialand. He had made his clanmates and villagemates to believe that he went to school in KU and ended up with a PhD and rose to become a professor. He told them that he taught home economics and would therefore be in the dinning hall or kitchen teaching practicals most of the times. That would be a good explanation for his presence in the kitchen. His nice car and well tailored suits convinced everybody at his village that he was a professor of Home Economics specializing in food science/catering. Many fellows from his village would come to see the professor all the way from Kakamega, to get them jobs. He didn’t want any one working in that University from his village because he or she would spill the beans back home. He also worked in Western Kitchen.
Western Kitchen had a beautiful cateress who was admired by everybody in that University. Some fellows would walk all the way from Eastern region to eat in that kitchen so that they could have a look at this beauty. Many people would have wanted to just work in that kitchen to be near her.
The beautiful cateress seem to have attracted Mungai, the cook too. He would make some sexist comments and talk of her beauty, how beautiful she was and how he would love to marry her as his second wife. He would then brag of his spear infront of the cateress. She would always warn him to stop the nonsense but that never discouraged Mungai.
One day, Mungai went with the same talk as the cateress got irritated with every word coming from his mouth. She got upset and told him that he behaves like a kihii. That made Mungai so mad that he stopped chopping meat and dropped of his trousers and his pants and faced the cateress. She was standing on the other side of the table. Mungai placed his document on the table and infront of the cateress. He was over heard saying: “Wee kairitu gaka ni nii weta kihii. Rora muti wakwa wone ndi muruu” (You young girl, why did you call me a kihii? Look at my stick/tree and you will know that I am circumcised).
The case was reported to the highest office, the Vice Chancellors office. The cook and the cateress were present. The VC faced Mungai:
Vice Chancellor: “Muthee Mungai, niguo ati ni warutire nguo ukiigirira kindu giaku methaini? (Mzee Mungai, is it true that you undressed and placed your thing on the table?)
Cook Mungai: “ii nindetikira ati nindarutire nguo na ngiigirira indo ciakwa methaini” (Yes, I agree that I undressed and placed my goods on the table)
Vice Chancellor: “Methaini ya irio? Wee nikii kiuru nawe muthee?” (Food table? What is wrong with you old man?)
Cook Mungai: “ Onawe Vice Chancellor ri, kairitu tagaka na hihi ti karuu ri, kangigwita kihii ungiigua atia? Ungithii gwetha metha ingi ku ya kuigirira mirigo yaku?” (Now the Vice Chancellor, a young girl like this one, may be not even circumcised, if she called you a kihii, how would you feel? Where would go looking for a table to table your good?).
Case closed. Mungai told to return to the kitchen and to never ever lay his document on a food table again. It was not clear if Mungai thought he could expose the document to the cateress again or just table it again as long as the table was not used for the purposes of preparing food. He was however warned of dismissal from work if that happened again. He never wanted to face or
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