Accountant Career Opportunity in Kenya

Accountant Career Opportunity in Kenya

Accountant 

Salary: Gross KShs  60,000
 

Our client in the building, civil and structural works industry is seeking to recruit a well seasoned accountant.

The accountant requires;

Qualifications& Experience

• Possession of CPA (K), ACCA or CFA qualifications
• Three consecutive relevant years of experience and above at a busy working environment.
• Experience in a computerized accounting environment

Essential Knowledge & Skill

• Must have an understanding of International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS’s).
• Must have an understanding of International Financial Reporting Standards (IFRS’s).
• Ability to carry out financial analysis, projections & budgeting.
• Excellent knowledge of relevant computer software and applications
• Proficiency in use of QuickBooks or related Modules

Personal Attributes

• Committed team player with strong managerial skills;
• High analytical and organizational skills;
• Excellent interpersonal and communication skills;
• Good report writing and presentation skills.     

If you are up to the challenge, posses the necessary qualification and experience,  please send your CV only indicating why you are the most suitable candidate for the role clearly quoting the job title (Accountant Gross 60K)on the email subject to vacancies@corporatestaffing.co.ke.

BAT Finance & Credit Analyst, East Africa Markets Job in Kenya

BAT Finance & Credit Analyst, East Africa Markets Job in Kenya

Finance & Credit Analyst, East Africa Markets

 
Job purpose

To plan, develop and control all aspects of general ledger management, trade credit management and fixed assets management as well as provide support to the East Africa Markets (EAM) team.
 

Develop and maintain key relations with BAT finance team, East Africa marketing team, internal and external auditors, which will assist management in tracking performance and making business decisions.
 

Ensure effectiveness of controls and efficiency of financial accounting processes and make improvements where necessary.

Key Deliverables

a) General ledger management

• Daily preparation of General Ledger (GL) journals for posting by the British American Shared Service Africa Middle East (BASS AME) team
• Daily verification of the GL codes and checking payment vouchers / expense claims for all of the EAM marketing team
• Monthly Reconciliation of the marketing provision accounts as per set deadlines
• Ensure maintenance of monthly cut off procedures in line with BAT global requirements.

b) Trade debtors credit management

• Monitoring of customer balances and payments to ensure that our customers are in line with approved credit policy
• Review of credit terms in line with shipment plans to ensure shipments are not constrained by credit holds
• In liaison with Supply Chain, forecast debt closing positions and anticipate BAT credit holds and take appropriate corrective action where shipments are at risk
• Preparation of debtors aging report that shows monthly account status for all of East Africa Markets for discussion at the Credit Committee

c) Reporting Requirements

• Plan reporting of Royalties payable in the royalties reporting system
• Plan volumes reporting in the Financial Management System
• Upload of budget and plan numbers into SAP
• Marketing overhead splits reporting in the Financial Management System

d)  Marketing activities management: verification and approval of marketing activity credit notes and ensuring that all submissions from the end markets are accompanied by proper documentation that justifies payment to trade partners.
 

e) Coordination of the supplier payment processes for BAT Djibouti and Tobacco Management Consultants (TMC) Ethiopia including their respective payrolls.
 

f)  Checking and approving of cash and bank reconciliations for BAT Djibouti and TMC Ethiopia as well as stock reconciliations for BAT Djibouti
 

Requirements:

• A University Degree holder in a finance related field and preferably a holder of a professional accounting qualification or equivalent
• At least 3 years of finance experience in an FMCG environment
• Strong business orientation with a good appreciation of International Financial Reporting Standards
• Good interpersonal skills and the flexibility to deal with people at a variety of levels in different countries, both internally and externally
• Good communication and influencing skills
• A Self-motivated individual

For further Information and to apply;-   

                                                          
External Applicants apply through www.bat.com

Applications close on 30th April 2013

Equity Bank Credit and Operations General Managers Jobs in Kenya

Equity Bank Credit and Operations General Managers Jobs in Kenya

Equity Bank is the region's leading Bank whose purpose is to transform the lives and livelihoods of the people of Africa socially and economically by availing them modern, inclusive financial services that maximize their opportunities.

With a strong footprint in Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, Rwanda and Southern Sudan, Equity Bank is now home to nearly 8 million customers - the largest customer base in Africa. Currently the Bank is seeking additional talent to serve in the roles outlined below:

General Managers, Credit- 12 Positions

The Position

Reporting to the Director of Credit, the role holders will be in charge of leadership of the Credit Department with an overall responsibility for growth of a high quality Loan Portfolio. 

He/She will, be expected to aggressively drive the business on a balanced score card and deliver Loan growth and portfolio quality targets by identifying, developing and maintaining relationships with the branch network as well as providing leadership to the branches and key Head Office support units.

Key Responsibilities

• Developing organizational & departmental objectives and participating in policy formulation.
• Formulation and execution of the Bank’s lending strategy.
• Drive portfolio growth across all the business sectors.
• Drive and maintain a high quality loan portfolio.
• Manage the Bank’s Lending operations by ensuring the branch units deliver on the growth and quality of the loan book targets.
• Ensure 100% compliance to the Bank’s policies and procedures.
• Build and develop a high performing culture for all team members through embedding performance development and coaching.
• Measure and evaluate staff performance against key performance indicators.
• Establish and maintain close working relationships with other departments and ensure smooth running of credit operations in the Bank.
• Participate in the Executive Credit Committee.
• Manage and create relationships with key customers and external stake holders like development partners, auditors and regulators.
• Participate in credit systems review, development and implementation of new credit innovations.
• Ensure continuous quality training, mentorship and capacity building for all the team members.
• Provide leadership and ensure total employee engagement in the department.
• Evaluate and lead on ways of achieving quality, effective and efficient credit operations.
• Ensure high standards of customer service, create and maintain lasting business relationships and partnerships with both new and existing clients.
• Promote the Bank’s brand image.

Candidate’s Profile and Qualifications

• A Bachelors and a Masters degree in an appropriate discipline from a recognized institution
• At least 10 years banking experience, 3 of which must have been at a senior level or as the Head of Credit in a Commercial Bank.
• Extensive experience in Credit administration, Credit Underwriting and Credit Risk management.
• Proven track record in achieving targets.

Desired Knowledge, Skills and Ability

• Excellent people management skills
• Excellent credit analysis skills
• Strong relationship/ marketing skills
• Good financial analytical skills
• Strong leadership and communication skills
• Good influencing and negotiation skills
• Strong interpersonal skills
• Highly developed coaching and feedback skills
• World class customer service skills
• Proven organizational, team-working and resource management skills
• Performance development skills
• Strategy formulation and execution skills
• Motivation and inspiration skills

General Managers, Operations -5 Positions

The Position

Reporting to the Director of Operations, the role holders will be in charge of leadership in the department with overall responsibility for growth of the balance sheet, P&L, Agency Banking, Risk Management and compliance. 

He/She will be expected to aggressively drive the business on a balanced score card and deliver business growth and profitability targets by identifying, developing and maintaining relationships with the branch network as well as providing leadership to the branches, key head office support units and staff.

Key Responsibilities

• Develop organizational & departmental objectives and participate in policy formulation.
• Drive business growth and development of the bank.
• Manage Bank operations by ensuring that the units deliver on the balance sheet, P&L, quality loan book and Agency Banking targets.
• Ensure 100% compliance to the Bank’s policies and procedures.
• Budget planning, control. and evaluation of operations department.
• Understand and provide clear direction of the department.
• Ensure continuous quality training, mentorship and capacity building for all team members.
• Build and develop a high performing culture for all team members through embedding performance development and coaching.
• In conjunction with the Bank’s leadership agree on challenging performance objectives and measures for the team while providing regular feedback on honest assessment and achievement.
• Provide Leadership and ensure total employee engagement in the department.
• Evaluate and lead on ways of achieving quality, effective and efficient operations.
• Work cross functionally with other departments and key service providers to ensure seamless service to our customers.
• Complete and maintain balance score card statistics.
• Promote the Bank’s brand image.

Candidate’s Profile and Qualifications

• A Bachelor and a Masters degree ¡n an appropriate discipline from a recognized institution
• At least 10 years banking experience, three of which must have been at a senior management level of a commercial bank.
• Holders of professional banking qualifications such as AKIB, ACIB will have an added advantage.
• Proven track record in achieving targets.

Desired Knowledge, Skills and Ability

• Excellent people management skills.
• Good financial, Analytical, skills.
• Strong leadership and communication skills.
• World class customer service skills.
• Ability to motivate others to adopt new ideas and bring about change.
• Must be computer proficient
• Must have an innovative and result oriented attitude necessary to succeed in a dynamic environment
• Strategy formulation and execution skills
• Motivational and inspirational skills If you meet the above requirements, please submit your application with a detailed Curriculum Vitae, current remuneration, e-mail address and daytime telephone contact to jobs@equitybank.co.ke by 30th April 2013.

Only short listed candidates will be contacted.

Equity Bank is an equal opportunity employer. 

We value the diversity of individuals, ideas, perspectives, insights, values and what they bring to the workplace.

AKUH Director Obstetrics, Radiation Therapy, Maternity Nurse, Pharmacy, Accountant, Plant Technician Jobs in Kenya

AKUH Director Obstetrics, Radiation Therapy, Maternity Nurse, Pharmacy, Accountant, Plant Technician Jobs in Kenya

The Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi, (AKUH,N) a premier tertiary teaching hospital, is fast growing with a network of over 30 multi-site medical centers in East Africa and a state-of-the-art Heart and Cancer Centre in Nairobi. 

Applications are invited for the following positions:

Full Time Faculty and Programme Director, Obstetrics and Gynaecology

Reporting to the Chair, Department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology and liaising with the Director, Postgraduate Medical Education, the incumbent will offer full time Obstetrics and Gynaecology clinical services as well as fill the role of Program Director. 

In the latter role, s/he will develop, implement and monitor the content and quality of the Obstetrics & Gynaecology residency program.

Applicants should hold a specialist qualification in Obstetrics & Gynaecology and be registered or eligible for registration and Specialist Recognition with the Kenya Medical Practitioners and Dentists Board. 

Candidates should demonstrate previous experience in a University Hospital environment including teaching, educational supervision and assessment of medical students and/ or postgraduates. 

The position is open to candidates with interests across the range of the speciality; training and experience in a clinical subspeciality will be particularly welcomed but generalists are also eligible.

The ideal candidate should have good leadership, effective communication and team building skills
Dental Surgeon (Nairobi, Kakamega, Busia, Arusha, Kampala)

The Dental Unit is a state of the art dental set up with fully equipped dental chairs. The Dental Surgeon will review patients and monitor patients’ progress on a regular basis.

S/he will be expected to work with a team of staff to ensure optimal delivery of quality patient care.

Applicants must have a Bachelor of Dental Surgery and be registered with the relevant Medical Board in the respective country. 

S/he should have at least three (3) years relevant practice including one year internship from a reputable institution (including composites, root canal therapy, crowns and bridges).

Radiation Therapy Technologist

The Radiation Therapy Technologist will be responsible for providing accurate, timely and efficient simulation and delivery of prescribed radiation treatment while maintaining quality patient care. 

S/he will maintain updated records and ensure proper operation and maintenance of equipment and accessories.

Applicants must possess a Diploma or Degree in Radiation Therapy or a Diploma in Radiography with a certificate in Radiation Therapy and at least 1 year’s working experience in a modern and busy radiotherapy department. 

Knowledge of working with linear accelerators and CT simulation will be an added advantage.

Clinical Nurse-Maternity

The Clinical Nurse will provide nurse/midwifery care in both in and outpatient settings. 

S/he will need to promote and maintain high standards of professional Nursing/Midwifery Care to meet the needs of Maternal and Child Health Clinics clients and Obstetric Unit patients. 

S/he will participate actively in decision making related to patient care and will ensure patients’ safety, dignity and respect are maintained at all times.

Clinical Nurse - Paediatrics

The clinical Nurse is responsible to provide nursing care in both in and outpatient settings. 

S/he will need to promote and maintain high standards of professional nursing care to meet the needs of paediatric and child health services. 

S/he will participate actively in decision making related to patient care and will ensure patients’ safety, dignity and respect are maintained at all times.

The ideal candidates for both Nursing positions should have a Diploma in Nursing (KRN/M or KRCHN) from an accredited School of Nursing. 

A Bachelor of Science in Nursing will be an added advantage. 

S/he should have current licensure with the Kenya Nursing Council and a minimum of 2 years continuous clinical experience from a recognized health institution. 

S/he should be BLS certified and have membership in NNAK. A Certificate and/or experience in provision of family planning services will be an added advantage for the Clinical Nurse - Maternity.

Clinical Pharmacist

The Clinical Pharmacist will provide quality and efficient specialized pharmaceutical services to improve drug usage and therapeutic outcome including, but not limited to, advising physicians on issues concerning drug therapy that meets or exceeds the expectation of the patient and their relatives. 

S/he will provide effective pharmaceutical services to meet customer needs.

Applicant must have a Post graduate Diploma or Masters in Clinical Pharmacy and Bachelor of Science Degree in Pharmacy. 

S/he should have a Practicing License from the Pharmacy and Poisons Board of Kenya and registration with Pharmaceutical Society of Kenya. 

The ideal candidate should have a minimum of 3 years hospital experience working in pharmaceutical services.

Pharmacist

The Pharmacist will ensure correct interpretation of prescriptions and physician orders at both in-patient and out-patient levels to ensure that compounding, dispensing, patient education and handling of pharmaceutical supplies for all orders. 

S/he will provide effective pharmaceutical services to meet customer needs.

Applicant must have a Bachelor of Science Degree in Pharmacy and a Practicing License from the Pharmacy and poisons board of Kenya. 

S/he must be registered with Pharmaceutical Society of Kenya and have a minimum of 3 years hospital experience working in pharmaceutical services.

Pharmaceutical Technologist

The Pharmaceutical Technologist will ensure accurate compounding, dispensing, patient education and handling of pharmaceutical supplies for all orders. S/he will provide effective pharmaceutical services to meet customer needs.

Applicants for the position must have a Diploma in Pharmacy and a Practicing License from the Pharmacy and Poisons Board of Kenya.

S/he should be registered Kenya Pharmaceutical Association and have a minimum of 6 year’s hospital experience working in pharmaceutical services. 

Clinical pharmacy experience and evidence of continuous education will be an added advantage.

Occupational Therapist

The Occupational Therapist will be responsible for conducting indepth assessment, monitor and review client’s needs and provide occupational therapy services using a wide range of treatment techniques.

Applicants must have a Diploma in Occupational Therapy and/or Bachelor of Science in Occupational Therapy from a recognized institution and 2 years’ experience as an occupational therapist.

Accountant

Reporting to the Manager, Finance, the Accountant will be responsible for the preparation of monthly / quarterly / annual financial reports within specified deadlines and prescribed format.

S/he will handle bank reconciliations, fixed asset register, monthly financial reporting, funding requests, maintain student data, work closely with user departments and ensure timely closing of the General Ledger. 

The incumbent will also be expected to coordinate the annual external audit and the internal and grant audits when required.

Applicants should hold a first degree in Finance or equivalent with ACCA or CPA (K) qualification and at least 3 years’ relevant working experience. 

The ideal candidate will be proficient in Microsoft Application packages and have good understanding of International Accounting Standards.

Supervisor - Unsecured Section

The Supervisor, will ensure that the unsecured debt is collected as per agreed payment plan and within the stipulated period.

Applicants for the position should have a Bachelor of Commerce, CPA II or equivalent with a minimum of three (3) years’ experience in a busy Accounting/Credit Management and excellent computer skills.

Plant Technician

The Plant Technician will carry out activities relating to plant equipment management involving maintenance, technical inspection, acceptance testing/handover and third-party service supervision, contract monitoring, new capital equipment, prepurchase technical appraisal and annual equipment replacement plan.

Applicants for the position should have a minimum Higher National Diploma or Ordinary Diploma (Plant option) with 3 and 5 years’ experience respectively in a similar position. 

S/he must be registered and/or eligible for registration with the Engineering Board of Kenya

To Apply:

Applications together with detailed Curriculum Vitae, names of three referees, telephone contact, e-mail address and copies of certificates and testimonials should be sent to the, Manager, Recruitment, Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi. P. O. Box 30270-00100, NAIROBI or by email to
hr.recruitment@aku.edu so as to reach not later than 2nd May 2013.

Only short listed candidates will be contacted.

http://sellinat.com/news/2013/04/12/why-kenyan-ladies-born-in-the-80s-90s-will-probably-never-get-married/

It was some Years back and I was excited to have fallen in love with my first girlfriend...she was beautiful,vivacious,gentle,mature and incredibly adorable...she spoke like a Queen and walked like a Princess...We fell for each other,started exchanging loads of sentimental love letters,started hanging out together,going for romantic walks every evening and would cuddle up together every weekend and listen to an endless retinue of lovesongs... We couldnt resist each other...it was special in every single way...

I would go to their place or she would come at ours...then we'd just lose ourselves in a love jamboree...we'd laugh,cuddle,kiss,read books and play like little kids...I WAS IN LOVE. TOTALLY...

One day I was on my way to her place...she had told Me she would be BUSY all day BUT I thought ,"Why dont I drop by just to suprise her..." so I went...I textd her and told her, "Baibe am kamin @ Ur place" and she replied ,"But Baibe,NOT TODAY...I told U al b busy ol day,I hav alot ov work 2do..."

Somehow,I didnt believe her...so I continued walking til I got there...the gate wasnt closed...I opened it gently and slipped into the compound...And gently and steelthily,I crept up to her door,I wanted to suprise her...I had a bar of chocolate,a red teddy bear and a little romantic movie for us to watch...suprisingly,the door wasnt closed...so I pushed aside the door curtain AND BAM! There she was! Tightly held in the arms of some other guy! The radio was so loud so they couldnt hear Me! And they were deeply engrossed in the deepest,most elaborate kissing marathon ever! And she was half nude! And the guy's hands were allover her! It was like a 1950's Movie Scene... Ok,Ok...My heart sank...I didnt say a word...Or interupt their love session...I crept back and walked away...but when I got to the gate,I decided to let her know I was there...so I went to the nearby shop...asked for a pen and paper and wrote,"Hi Baibe. I was here. But I didnt want to disturb. I brought U sum chocol8..." and I went back to their house,placed the chocolates and teddy hear by the door and placed my little written note on top...then I left...

Later,she confessed everything,told me that that other guy was her neighbour! Yes,neighbour! And that she doesnt understand how they ended up there! She begged and cried and cried...Well,I LOVED HER TO DEATH,So I forgave her...It was tough,but I did it...We continued with our relationshp BUT IT WAS NEVER the same again!

I am reminded of a car...When a car gets a minor accident,the owner takes it to a garage...the garage people try to repair it and re-paint the area where the car was dented...BUT ONE THING I KNOW IS: Even If You re-paint the car,IT WILL NEVER match the rest of the car!

The re-painted part will always LOOK different from the rest of the car colour! And Everyday the owner of the car looks at that re-painted part,IT WILL ALWAYS remind him of that accident he had years ago!

WHY CHEAT IN A RELATIONSHIP??

Many want Us to believe that CHEATING is A REALITY and We have to live with it!

NO . CHEATING IS NOT A REALITY! And WE DONT HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT!

A Man who CHEATS is NOT practising REALITY!

REALITY means being REAL. Being TRUE. Being HONEST. Being SINCERE.

Thats WHAT reality Means! When He gave You his heart,He trusted You with it! And when she gave You her heart,SHE TRUSTED You could handle it!

Instead of faking everything,WHY DONT YOU QUIT and Be Yourself?? Thats what REALITY means!

REALITY does NOT mean lies,faking love and little games! Thats NOT Reality!

Instead Of pretending You are in Love,WHY DONT YOU dump her,why dont you dump him and explore Your wild sexual exploits??!

SOME OF US BELIEVE IN NOTHING BUT FAITHFULNESS!

If she is there for You,If she is true to You,If she stays by your side,If she is honest with You,If she does ANYTHING You ask her,THEN SHE DESERVES RESPECT. FAITHFULNESS AND TOTAL HONESTY!

Same case applies to the Man!

If You cant kiss JUST ONE GIRL,If You cant LOVE just one girl,If You cant think of just ONE girl, THEN STOP lying to her that she's THE ONLY ONE! Do her a favor,let her go and then sort out Your Mess!

CHEATING may be Everywhere today BUT WE CAN rise Up and SAY, WE ARE NOT "EVERYWHERE"... WE ARE WHO WE ARE!

Stay True. Stay Real. Stay Honest.

If You are Unhappy,then QUIT! But as long as YOU ARE IN LOVE with a human being,ITS A CRIME to create space for ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!

When You break someone's heart,no matter how many times you try to repair it,IT NEVER really heals,Its NEVER the same again! Ever!

A HEART is NOT an Egg. So why BREAK it???

After all,
Its NOT a SHAME to be faithful. Its an HONOR.

BE REAL. STAY FAITHFUL. Thats All.

I watched in awe as those guys started rioting,was this happening again and in this day and era?My thoughts flashed back to five years ago as I sat on the table as i had no strength to make it to the couch Kenya my homeland had started burning and it was a disaster.Five years ago the country was on fire and after the just concluded elections I thought we had broken the chains of violence after elections.As it stands may be we are at a wourse state than the last time or we are at a worse one.

Court cases are flying all over and rumor has it that a case discrediting the CJ has been filled,this is nuts and crazy because as a citizen I think he's been the only person who's has been working.;The courts are clean and stop this whole nonsense.

Away from politics back to real matters,Ive received reports that Kerugoya District Hospital has been killing people.Shocked well the story is that once you go there being sick the doctors give you an injection to cool and stabilize you but the problem is that you are cooled for good.Last week an expectant mother was lost as she was delivering and the child too.Personally a few weeks earlier I lost someone the same way.Please the Kenyan fourth estate help.

Till next time remember 'You owe no politician your life'

A fortnight ago the Daily Nation failed to publish Classic 105’s evening drive show host Ciku Muiruri’s article. The radio queen however went ahead on Facebook and said that the Daily Nation was too primitive for her.

The same scenario has occurred for Kiss 100’s Caroline Mutoko. Yesterday her Monday column was missing, unlike her mate Ciku she did not vent her anger against the paper but rather posted the article on her Facebook page.

Below is the article the Star Newspaper failed to publish yesterday:

Ninety days to Kenya’s Next general election and counting. I know we shouldn’t put numerical items in written articles, but just for emphasis – let me say this again – 90 days to go.

Sometime towards the end of last week, I saw several articles in the dailies talking about the poor turnout in the ongoing voter registration exercise. It’s news, infact it’s big news, but once again we missed the story. The IEBC is quoted as saying it might not be possible to meet the target of registering 18 million voters if the electorate is not educated on the importance of listing.

Mr Alawy (commissioner at IEBC) said that in some parts of the country, electoral materials were displayed for the whole day without anybody bothering to register. “I was recently in Ijara Constituency in North Eastern Kenya. Our clerks were sitting under a tree with all equipment. By the time I passed by in the evening, they had registered only one voter,” he said.
Mr Alawy challenged media to own voter registration instead of focusing on alliances, which would be meaningless without the voters. Ahhhh, now you’re talking.  I’ll tell you why voter registration is so poor. Three culprits. Me and you are the first. As someone once said on my show, Kenyans are waiting for a messiah to come and save them while they watch it live on TV from the comfort of their homes.

Second biggest culprit – my people. The fourth Estate whose job it is to shape our opinions, thoughts and conversations and also define the Kenya we want; has chosen to focus on the playground tactics of the politicians. And please don’t tell me the Fourth Estate has no mandate in this area. We marshaled this nation back to work in 2008. We asked for the killing to stop (not all joined us mind you). We ran a singular headline “ Save Our Beloved Country”. We aggressively sold the draft constitution and got behind the voter registration exercise and ensured we voted and celebrated the new constitution. But now that a landmark election is before us in 90days – we are playing games with the politicians, acting like their PR machinery. The brands who pay for advertising in our radio stations, Tv stations and newspapers, the people who actually pay our salaries don’t get that much added value. But for the entire political class, we give millions of shillings in airtime away for free. The media house I work for ends every news bulletin – 6am to 7pm with one message – get out register to vote. The IEBC is not paying for that – my news editor gets it.

Allow me to quote Mr. Alawy again “You are focusing more on alliances. Every day we read or watch stories of who will join who in the race to State House. Have the media paused for a minute and asked themselves, who will vote for these alliances if registration of voters continues with this pace?” Jalango and I got some flack for refusing to mention the front pages of ALL the papers including The STAR last week (they may fire me) and going straight to Victor’s cartoon and Word Is. The truth is, not a single politician has made a pact with us as Kenyans. Why should I spend a minute discussing their “retain-my job-salo-and-also-find-better-ways-to-eat” strategies. Why should I? What’s in it for me?

Which brings me to the other set of comedians who are to blame for the poor voter registration. These people who are running for office, what is wrong with them? Instead of urging Kenyans to register to vote, they are busy worrying if they will have a pay-check in 90 days – well, rightly so, but boss, how will you get into office unless we vote. The reason we can’t be bothered to step out and register is because there is no reason to.

Don’t you egomaniacs understand that the poor turnout is an indictment on your candidature? If you ask most Kenyans right now, they’ll tell you that no-one has given them a compelling reason to vote. Forget the polls – your litmus test for whether you are getting through is the number of registered voters. Remember 2002? Yes we were very clear, we were voting out Moi. Let’s not kid each other that election was weird – we voted against someone not for someone.

Remember 2007? Yes – great registration. Remember the referendum of 2010? Once again we registered in record numbers. Oh, oh, oh even then our issues were clear – we wanted you to pay taxes, we wanted to be able to re-call you, we wanted our county governments, we wanted dual citizenship among others. We had compelling reasons to vote – for or against. Do you know why we haven’t beat a path to the registration centre – we are not moved. Don’t let the headlines kid you – if people aren’t registering to vote it’s because you haven’t given them a reason to. Yap, all your talk is hot air. This indictment is about each and everyone one of you from Kenneth to Ruto to Kiyiapi and beyond. I hear you love using the term “things are very different on the ground.” Yes they are, they look nothing like the tones of publicity you’re getting in media.

Back to media. Allow me to finish this article by once again turning the spot light on us.

Kempen chairman Charles Odhiambo said it so well. “We are Kenyan journalists and not journalists from Kenya. Therefore, using inciting words for the sake of selling will not save our businesses when this country burns again in 2013.” 

90 days to go and counting. It’s time to get serious.

Mr Ruto, Mr Uhuru, how are you best buds doing? No need to cringe this is a nice letter. In fact to kick it off, have a high-five, heck have two.

Don't you simply marvel at the sheer myopia of all of us? Tell me, how often do the two of you kick back with a whiskey and laugh your asses off every time you pick-up the paper, go through social media sites or watch the news.

Your ribs must be aching from laughing and I say to that - more power to you. The two of you know and I know and in fact we all know, that you have no business talking about the presidency or even the elections of this country at all.

But look at the number of ways we are willing to crash and burn with you? Allow me to itemise the ways in which I applaud you. I refuse to pretend that you're not doing well.

I have said this often enough on my show - you guys know exactly what you want - the rest of us are clueless and even if we know, we are too daft, too myopic and too pretentious to say or do anything.

In years to come, you two will form the content of political debates in university campuses from here to Yale. You will be celebrated, in fact right now, if the world wasn't still focused on Hurricane Sandy, Obama's Four More years and poor, poor David Petraeus, every international journalist would be here talking to you, covering you.

As a tag-team, you are the stuff of urban myths and legend. Allow me this morning to sing your praises:

1. Your sense of entitlement knows no bounds. Not only do you believe you ought to be sitting in the big house, you don't believe anyone else has the capacity or even brains to do so.

Apparently, only the two of you and your ilk have the right to the "good life" while the rest of us need to go to the ballot and cast our vote in your favour, or else....

The fact that your utterances and attitude smack of the worst sort of entitlement and arrogance means nothing to most if not all Kenyans.

They are lining up like groupies at a pop concert to see or be seen to be with you. These people don't even believe they are entitled to a better life, nor are their children, in fact perish the thought.

Have you noticed how Kenyans don't seem to think they deserve better than you two? A master stroke on your part. Well done.

2. The fact that you have already decided the election and in fact I do recall you have even decided how many seats you want and should get. It's another award winning reason to cheer you on - and loudly.

Can you believe it? You actually, bluntly and oh so arrogantly have decided how the election must and should go, even before we have registered as voters and in fact, for you, we are wasting time even going to all that trouble - is another reason I personally must applaud you.

Mr Ruto, I recall reading you saying you must be given half. It's like a kid who asks for the i-Phone 5 for Christmas, well aware that his folks have lost their jobs and are about to be evicted from their home. The sheer gall of it must be admired.

3. Have you noticed how every lame politician who's clearly aware that their chances of ever being re-elected even on a village school board is running around yelling TNA?

Uhuru, creating this party was genius on your part. You have enough pets on a leash to do everything and anything including lick your tyres if you asked them to.

The most desperate, most fickle, most yellow bellied of the lot is lining up to lick your boots because they need campaign financing and they know on any other ticket - they'd need to work - on your ticket, they are hoping to ride a wave. Be wary of this lot though - they would sell their own children.

Two things- keep welcoming them and keep tabs on how much you give them and ensure you make them pay it back with interest. Remember Matiba?

Don't let them use you as a financial tap and abandon you - because they will. But so far - well done. You have grown men and women idolising you in the same manner a 22-year-old feels about Lil' Wayne. Let me hear you say "ah yeah".

4. You have to tell me the secret of how you have managed to hoodwink the traditional and social media into becoming your campaign tool - and positively so.

What Rasna Warah said about an apocalypse for Kenya is very true. Have you noticed how this article hasn't gone viral, yet rubbish like who's moving jobs between NTV and KTN is the talk of town?

Have you noticed how none of the other truly "big independent" columnists have bothered to lend their voice to hers? In fact they act like the mere notion doesn't exist.

How much? I'm asking because, if you're dishing it out, it must be mind-numbing amounts of cash that the media are willing to watch you attempt to send us all down dung creek without a gas mask.

If it isn't chums then it's witchcraft because there's no way you can tell me that media are so vacuous, so daft we haven't understood that telling the people of Kenya what the stakes are is our mandate.

After all - Kenya is an ongoing concern and the sun doesn't rise and go down at your command. Anyhow - cash or witchcraft - bravo.

The Fourth Estate is your mouthpiece for the asking and that is commendable. Peter Kenneth is buying and paying for ads - you are getting anywhere between 2million to 5million shilling worth of space daily - for free! Come on!! That is skill.

5. Lastly, I must say that the sheer prowess and stealth with which you have managed to silence industry captains and every Kenyan who works for a living - people who have massive investments on the line and even the young men or women who just started their own businesses, or jobs.

People who have children to feed and educate, the student who will graduate and start looking for a job and has dreams of a future - what you have done to ensure none of these people is speaking out about the fallacy of a possible repeat of 2007/8 - is jaw-dropping.

Between the three of us (me and the two of you), you won't believe how many of them are wailing in the clubs and fancy 5 star restaurants, bars and even chama meetings about decreased business, shoddy occupancy in our hotels, slow business and their own investments fears should you be elected in 2013.

These yellow-bellied characters who lost close to everything in 2008 and watched as you picked yourselves up like nothing happened, are now sitting hand in head yakking about "what's going to happen?"

Can you believe it? They have the sheer might to remind the electorate that a repeat or escalation of 2007/8 is not an option.

They have the vested interest and the critical mass (there's only two of you for heaven's sake) to go all out and remind Kenyans that we owe it to ourselves and our needs to be selfish about our future.

But noooo - I have a feeling a few of them are seeing you by night (wink, wink) well once again - good on you. I don't know how the people who have everything to lose and nothing to gain by your continued stirring of tribal emotions and wishy-washy coalition and alliance talks are letting you get away with it, but they are.

Man! Hats off to you! Gentlemen, this is not tongue-in-cheek, I applaud you. So the next time you meet up for a drink, raise a glass to me. I have no beef with you whatsoever.

You know what you want and you're going for it - the rest of us don't know and that includes the other presidential aspirants.

They're also watching you. The two of you are a class act and anyone who claims not be as amazed as I am is either a liar or a fool.

Bravo! Carry on.

When I lived in Kibera, I shared my modest crib with Onyango,Kimani, Kipngeno,Mutisya and Abdi. Abdi and Kimani shared a bed because Abdi was new to the city.
The only thing that seperated our "bedrooms" was a "leso", an old dirty bed sheet and a black polythene sheet that Mutisya had picked on his way from Industrial area.

We shared everything and we showered in shifts and on alternate Sundays. Life was hard but we were happy.
Kimani pushed mkoko at Marigiti and in the evening he will come home with a mixture of almost everything that was sold at the market.
From it, we made a stew. Everyday it tasted distinctly different and authentic even though the ingredients remained the same, the quantity varied.
Sometimes the pilipili or dania will be in plenty hence the taste of the day.
We listened to Kameme together and KBC salamu za hodi hodi together and shared ushindi bar soap for washing and geisha Kubwa for bat
hing. Played draught at weekends.

In short we were more than brothers, and we remained so for 5 years until the elections were called. It was time to part ways.
We got new identities jaluo, mkamba, kaleo, sapere,walalo and Banye. Identifying ourselves with the rich politicians we shared a language with was the thing,
not the poor we had been with for years.

The wealthy man from my tribe won the election I headed to the same room I had shared for five years with people of my class, albeit with some election posters to deco our crib.
Mheshimiwa headed for Grand Regency to celebrate. That night we slept without food.
After a while things came back to normal we were back to sharing everything with Abdi, musyoka Onyango etc. Whenever there was bereavement amongst us, we all attended.
Just the poor people. Mheshimiwa was busy on the beach. But when Mheshimiwa got bereaved I mourned for him for weeks, even though I won't be let to go past his gate.
When he engaged in Corruption, I defended him fiercely just because he spoke my Language, to cut short.....I voted for mheshimiwa, he lives big but life for me, Onyango, Kimani, Abdi is still the same.

What if we had voted for one of us regardless of his tribe, could life be different??????? Identify with your own true tribe. RICH or POOR are the real tribes of Kenya.
However the latter are the Majority and are ruled by the minority.
Poor people rise up and fight for your rights Did you know the only common thing between you and your much cherished Mheshimiwa is the language.
Nothing else NOTHING!!!!!!!!! But the list of common things you share with Musyoka, Onyango, Abdi is endless.

Think and Educate other Kenyans

Hero

What an irony! Yesterday you were being hunted for crimes against humanity by the neigbours, today a big bash is prepared for you by the same people whose children, wives and husbands you are accused of having murdered, raped and evicted to nowhere. They line for you along the road just to have a glimpse of this great fellow who could wipe hundreds at one blow. They are full of cheers in tears, you are their HERO not because you have made a serious invention to build humanity but because the have no monopoly of suspicion over you, it is international it is global. As these people cheer, you dance and jump imagining their cheers and tears have taken you guilt away! It never happens so, at some point it will catch with you and your generation. The men of the cloth may come and pretend prayers over you but unless they ask you to repent it is all a waist of time. They are but false prophets telling you just what your ears would want to hear!

There is this thing with the TRUTH, it does not die. Not even huge crowds of friends and vulnerable mortals could bury it. It keeps lifting its beautiful head. TRUTH is never intimidated by large crowds, eloquent speeches or loneliness. TRUTH is courageous to stand alone. One does not need a lawyer for it, it does not need to defend itself though it is always in constant trial.

I refuse to be a HERO for being a suspect of crime of whatever magnitude. Ask yourself what kind of a HERO you are...


THE TRUTH will surely catch up with you Mr. HERO of crime.

Beastiality

Ladies and gentlemen,
The act of bestiality has come back to hound a man of the cloth,defame the
catholic institution and condemn the church doctrines.This time allegedly Fr.
Kizito defiled an employee by going further to drug him.At this point in time
rumor mills have gone an extra length to say preliminary evidence adversely
point accusations against this respected man in the field of philanthropy.
Though independent doctors should be engaged to ascertain the truth,the fact is
since the matter is back in the public domain is damaging and not tissue paper
for easy disposal.
I want to say Hillary Mulalia's comment about May 25TH as the day of liberation
is debatable.Since accusations against father Kizito happened on this day,we
need to approach the debate in the spirit of globalizing and globalization in
the contemporary society.The answer would be let us eschew hatred,racialism and
segregation but embrace truism, unity and cooperation.

Hillary insinuates that May 25th is the day that was set aside by the fathers of
this
continent as the day to “mark each year the onward progress of the
liberation movement, and to symbolize the determination of the People
of Africa to free themselves from foreign domination and
exploitation.”
Seeing that Africa is not exactly free from foreign domination and
exploitation, it is clear that the people of Africa are still engaged
in this struggle that will see them free themselves from horrid
conditions they face as their everyday realities. That is why the ALD
is as important today as it was 53 years ago when Kwame Nkrumah and
the other concious leaders at the first Conference of Independent
African States evoked in it the spirit of freedom.
The power in this day is immense, for in the simple act of all
Africans meditating upon themselves and towards the same cause lays
the potential for creating the ultimate freedom in man. Therein also
exists the ability to develop tools and knowledge that far surpases
the materialistic and destructive ideas that currently dominate the
world.
It is for this reason that foreign powers through their proxies will
go to any length to ensure that the common African is unaware of the
significance of this day. These foreign powers have worked hard at
containing and co-opting all rising panafrican leaders, and for sure
with very little exceptions, looking at the email contacts of todays
panafricanists is like reading a list of donor and multi-lateral
organizations operating around the world. Our so called panafricanists
are all found @unmc, @oxfam, @fordfound, @actionaid, @fahamu, @undp
among others.
If you ask them they will tell you that they are working from within
the system to change it. The truth is that the system is changing
them!
Unfortunately, it doesn't end there... the system is now using them to
change the struggle and its meaning. Two examples:
We have a panafrican "something" program that is being run by a
network of these donor-funded organizations where, apart from one or
two exceptions, the members of the program have absolutely no interest
in issues of Panafricanism and spend all their time pushing the gender
and gay & lesbian agenda all around the continent under the banner of
"Panafrican Fellowship program." This pushes away true panafricanists
who have refused to be associated with this divisiveness and decadence
and by this, thoroughly weakens the movement.
Two. I believe this is the most insidious. There is this ongoing
process of reducing the African Liberation Day to be a footnote under
events that happened in the late Tajudeen's life, especially as the
day of his death. If you interrogate the circumstances of his death,
then you will have much more respect for the African Liberation Day
and the spirit of Africa and hopefully realize your folly in trying to
make the late Tajudeen to be greater than the day that made him.

Africa is alive!
It feels, it thinks, it acts! It is a higher consciousness that plans
things at such high and complex levels that even the most intellectual
of minds is left far behind, locked in the limited world of time &space.

There are those who care nothing about the plight of the people and
are only driven by the greed to make more and to expand their empires.
Well, their judgment is set.
But, I speak to you. You who find yourself caught up in a
contradiction between what you know and what you do. Sometimes it
requires an act of faith to make a leap into what you feel is true. To
listen to what your entire education system has taught you not to
perceive. To believe in the truth that is inside of you. To eventually
bring together what you know and what you do. And, to finally listen
to the voice of the living spirit of Africa.
Let us be mindful of our higher obligations to the people of Africa
and to Africa in itself.
As we "mark this year the onward progress of the liberation
movement...", we all need to ask ourselves at a very personal level,
"where have I been in the struggle towards liberating my people from
the oppression and exploitation of foreigners!"
End of quote.
My take is to agree with Og Mandino who says i will keep a smile on my face and
in my heart even when it hurts today. Over to you.

Problem With Comments On Social Media

 I have been reading comments posted to some blogs like the Kenya Daily post.If they are anythiny to  go by then Kenya is headed between a hard place and a rock.There is soo much tribalism in the comments that you wonder what the commentaters would do if they saw each other face to face.

The so called big communnities think that life revolves around them without the knowlrdge that with the devolved system of goivernment ther wount be their chance to eat.

I have afew questions to those who insult each other in thge name of Raila,Uhuru,Mudavadi et al:

• Are they your brothers?
• Do they even know you exist?
• Can you kill your neighbour whom you borrow salt in the middle of the night for someone who has never been broke in his life? 

The answers to all this is no i presume but because of the mtu wetu level of thinking we moove with the mob.

All this political parties are tribal groupings:TNA-Central ,ODM -Luo Nyanza and western so what do we want as kenya.Peoples president all tribal chief?Developer or thieves protecting their wealth?
Food for thought............................................. http://www.facebook.com/KIUSAKENYA?ref=hl

Leave Musalia’s UDF and join Uhuru’s TNA, you are the next SPEAKER - ABDIKADIR told


Wednesday October 3, 2012 - As the euphoria surrounding The National Alliance (TNA) Party continues, it has emerged that the Party is working around the clock in a bid to woo Mandera Central MP Abdikadir Mohammed into their fold with the promise of making him the Speaker of the National assembly, if Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta clinches the Presidency in March next year. According to a credible source familiar with the TNA operations, TNA officials are on a mission to court the brilliant lawmaker from Deputy Prime Minister Musalia Mudavadi’s party the United Democratic Forum (UDF) and bring him in TNA in order to cement Muslim votes. Abdikadir holds masters in law from Harvard Law School and was the Chairman of the Parliamentary Committee on Constitutional Affairs that midwife the new constitution. He has been a key ally of Musalia Mudavadi and if he defects it will be a big blow not only for Mudavadi’s presidential bid but also for the entire UDF party. http://www.facebook.com/

Journalism Dry Cleaner: OF SEX TOYS, JOURNALISM AND A VEILED PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT

Journalism Dry Cleaner: OF SEX TOYS, JOURNALISM AND A VEILED PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT

Extravagance

Raila Amolo Odinga has come out to be one of the most extravagant human existing in Kenya. This fella is always on some missions abroad which I don't understand how they impact the Kenyans well being. If he ever becomes a Kenyan president - which will not happen anyway - he would be spend most of the time on "diplomatic" journeys just like a certain president somewhere in Central Africa who spends much of the time in France and goes back to "his" people when the elections are near.

How does he even get some sleep in a presidential suite and yet 70% of his constituents spend sleepless nights either because of hunger or lack of shelter.

Read more...

Cherangany MP Joshua Kutuny has told Parliament that Prime Minister Raila Odinga slept in a plush hotel in the US, which cost the taxpayer Sh602,000 (USD7000) a night for the Presidential Suite.

The legislator had wanted Mr Odinga to confirm to MPs that he slept in the said hotel. He tabled the rates for the hotel, which no one contested.

The PM, responding to Mr Kutuny's query, said he slept at the super-luxurious Waldorf Astoria in a swanky address in New York City. He was in the US for 10 days with a delegation of ministers, permanent secretaries, MPs and other government officials.

Mr Odinga told the House that most delegations to the United Nations stayed at the Waldorf Astoria hotel during the meetings at the UN headquarters, and really, as the Prime Minister of the Republic of Kenya, MPs shouldn’t expect him to “stay at some backstreet hotel”.

He added that three years ago he slept in the hotel and no questions were asked about how much money was spent.

Mr Kutuny charged—and Mr Odinga didn’t refute-- that the government forked out USD7000 for the Prime Minister, while the rest of the delegation paid USD 4,500 (Sh387,000) per night during the 10-day trip. It is not clear if Mr Odinga and his delegation had reservations lasting all the 10 days given that his trip took him to Florida, Washington DC and Massachusetts.

Just like the Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka, the Prime Minister is entitled to the Presidential Suite in his foreign visits, whose cost is billed at USD7000 per night.

Mr Odinga said that the responsibility of booking hotels was with the ambassadors in whichever countries government officials visited. But even as the ambassadors make the reservations, the bills are footed by the relevant government departments, and ultimately the taxpayer.

“Each government department normally meets the travel and accommodation cost of its officers on official travel abroad,” the Prime Minister said.

The PM told the House that the foreign trips were being portrayed as joyful events, when they were stressful indeed.

“The trips are not for pleasure. I see it as a duty,” he said during the 45-minute weekly address to Kenya’s Parliament. He added that it was “punishing” to travel and immediately sit in meetings, because of the fatigue associated with air travel.

The PM said that he received invitations on a daily basis, and that he’s declined so many invitations.

“We only undertake those that are necessary,” said Mr Odinga said. “Such travel is limited to official government business and only concerned government officials with a direct input in such business engage in such travel. All trips by Ministers and Assistant Ministers are approved by H.E. the President.”

He added that the government was out to curtail expenditure on trips, and only spend on what it considers very necessary.

“The world will not come to Kenya’s assistance unless Kenyans go out to seek that help,” the Prime Minister said. “We do business by inviting (foreign partners) to come and also by going out to engage them”.

Since March 27, the Prime Minister has been to the United Arab Emirates, the US, France, South Africa, Zimbabwe and Cote d'Ivoire.

Of all these trips, the PM said, two were not funded by the taxpayer: the one to Zimbabwe which was paid for by ODM because it was an arrangement with Zimbabwe’s Movement for Democratic Change. And the one to Cote d'Ivoire, which he said, was paid for by the African Union due to his erstwhile role as a mediator in the post-election crisis in the West African state.

From the trip to the US, the PM came back with an assurance of USD15 million (Sh1.29 billion) from the US Vice President Joe Biden for border patrol. In France, he managed to get Sh7.5 billion to shore up resources of the Geothermal Development Corporation.

“Currently we are targeting 1 billion Euros for our renewable energy programme,” Mr Odinga said.

Beastiality

Ladies and gentlemen,
The act of bestiality has come back to hound a man of the cloth,defame the
catholic institution and condemn the church doctrines.This time allegedly Fr.
Kizito defiled an employee by going further to drug him.At this point in time
rumor mills have gone an extra length to say preliminary evidence adversely
point accusations against this respected man in the field of philanthropy.
Though independent doctors should be engaged to ascertain the truth,the fact is
since the matter is back in the public domain is damaging and not tissue paper
for easy disposal.
I want to say Hillary Mulalia's comment about May 25TH as the day of liberation
is debatable.Since accusations against father Kizito happened on this day,we
need to approach the debate in the spirit of globalizing and globalization in
the contemporary society.The answer would be let us eschew hatred,racialism and
segregation but embrace truism, unity and cooperation.

Hillary insinuates that May 25th is the day that was set aside by the fathers of
this
continent as the day to “mark each year the onward progress of the
liberation movement, and to symbolize the determination of the People
of Africa to free themselves from foreign domination and
exploitation.”
Seeing that Africa is not exactly free from foreign domination and
exploitation, it is clear that the people of Africa are still engaged
in this struggle that will see them free themselves from horrid
conditions they face as their everyday realities. That is why the ALD
is as important today as it was 53 years ago when Kwame Nkrumah and
the other concious leaders at the first Conference of Independent
African States evoked in it the spirit of freedom.
The power in this day is immense, for in the simple act of all
Africans meditating upon themselves and towards the same cause lays
the potential for creating the ultimate freedom in man. Therein also
exists the ability to develop tools and knowledge that far surpases
the materialistic and destructive ideas that currently dominate the
world.
It is for this reason that foreign powers through their proxies will
go to any length to ensure that the common African is unaware of the
significance of this day. These foreign powers have worked hard at
containing and co-opting all rising panafrican leaders, and for sure
with very little exceptions, looking at the email contacts of todays
panafricanists is like reading a list of donor and multi-lateral
organizations operating around the world. Our so called panafricanists
are all found @unmc, @oxfam, @fordfound, @actionaid, @fahamu, @undp
among others.
If you ask them they will tell you that they are working from within
the system to change it. The truth is that the system is changing
them!
Unfortunately, it doesn't end there... the system is now using them to
change the struggle and its meaning. Two examples:
We have a panafrican "something" program that is being run by a
network of these donor-funded organizations where, apart from one or
two exceptions, the members of the program have absolutely no interest
in issues of Panafricanism and spend all their time pushing the gender
and gay & lesbian agenda all around the continent under the banner of
"Panafrican Fellowship program." This pushes away true panafricanists
who have refused to be associated with this divisiveness and decadence
and by this, thoroughly weakens the movement.
Two. I believe this is the most insidious. There is this ongoing
process of reducing the African Liberation Day to be a footnote under
events that happened in the late Tajudeen's life, especially as the
day of his death. If you interrogate the circumstances of his death,
then you will have much more respect for the African Liberation Day
and the spirit of Africa and hopefully realize your folly in trying to
make the late Tajudeen to be greater than the day that made him.

Africa is alive!
It feels, it thinks, it acts! It is a higher consciousness that plans
things at such high and complex levels that even the most intellectual
of minds is left far behind, locked in the limited world of time &space.

There are those who care nothing about the plight of the people and
are only driven by the greed to make more and to expand their empires.
Well, their judgment is set.
But, I speak to you. You who find yourself caught up in a
contradiction between what you know and what you do. Sometimes it
requires an act of faith to make a leap into what you feel is true. To
listen to what your entire education system has taught you not to
perceive. To believe in the truth that is inside of you. To eventually
bring together what you know and what you do. And, to finally listen
to the voice of the living spirit of Africa.
Let us be mindful of our higher obligations to the people of Africa
and to Africa in itself.
As we "mark this year the onward progress of the liberation
movement...", we all need to ask ourselves at a very personal level,
"where have I been in the struggle towards liberating my people from
the oppression and exploitation of foreigners!"
End of quote.
My take is to agree with Og Mandino who says i will keep a smile on my face and
in my heart even when it hurts today. Over to you.

Pee

You "shook it" before the eyes of Madame Prof?

Muita,
Please go slow on the sane one. If he has medical problems with his bladder, it must be emptied whether his professor is watching it or not. Us men must always thank our creator for giving us an object which has made us pee with ease compared to our sisters. You can do it anywhere.

Lets us not forget that it is easier for us to pee because we can hold our thing while women cannot hold their thing when peeing without peeing on their hands. Holding it makes it easier to direct the pee to a specific spot while women find it almost impossible to control the direction of their pee.

For men who are not circumcised, they have an added advantage. If the going get tough, they can easily tie the snake and control the flow of the pee. This means they can stop uncontrolled flow even when one has prostate cancer or cancer of the penis for that matter. Even when it is mutilated, controlling the pee is easier than for women who have to have extremely good breaks or else they would need diapers.

If you are traveling and you cant get out in a highway, a beer bottle or even a fanta bottle or any narrow mouthed container can be used to store the pee. Women on the hand need a wider container and even getting the pee in it is almost a hell of work to do. Give your son a polythene paper and he will empty the bladder in a car but your daughter would pee on herself if you cant stop the damn vehicle. This is to say that women have more accidents than men. Another reason why a taribo is better than a well.

A friend has told me how her told made noise and cried when his son was born and she accidently saw the taribo. She wanted to know where her willy went and why she has a hole instead. Human being want to have something they can see and touch.

This is what was in a KU urinal during my days and should help Nyongesa in his shake the tree movement.

"Remember you are holding the future on your hands. Shake well after use"

Lastly, they have now introduced a female urinal and so we no longer have the bragging right. Why is the hold shaped like their thing? Isnt too narrow and do they sit on it facing the door unlike us or do they stand on it? How come when women pee they face the road, the audience? Is it because their thing moves backyard like the cow's and so it makes sense to face the audience/road when peeing once they bend? How is the urinal for women going to work? Backward peeing (also known as dog's style peeing) or frontal peeing (also known as homo sapien peeing? This has nothing to do with homo sexuals since they pee like us and we only differ with them when it comes to sex.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you women's urinal:)...Na hii ya Maendeleo Ya Wanawake.....I am out of here and so Nyongesa can receive the rungus for introducing what is the height of upuzi on these fora. God Bless our fora.

Hero

What an irony! Yesterday you were being hunted for crimes against humanity by the neigbours, today a big bash is prepared for you by the same people whose children, wives and husbands you are accused of having murdered, raped and evicted to nowhere. They line for you along the road just to have a glimpse of this great fellow who could wipe hundreds at one blow. They are full of cheers in tears, you are their HERO not because you have made a serious invention to build humanity but because the have no monopoly of suspicion over you, it is international it is global. As these people cheer, you dance and jump imagining their cheers and tears have taken you guilt away! It never happens so, at some point it will catch with you and your generation. The men of the cloth may come and pretend prayers over you but unless they ask you to repent it is all a waist of time. They are but false prophets telling you just what your ears would want to hear!

Ther is this thing with the TRUTH, it does not die. Not even huge crowds of friends and vulnerable mortals could bury it. It keeps lifting its beautiful head. TRUTH is never intimidated by large crowds, eloquent speeches or loneliness. TRUTH is courageous to stand alone. One does not need a lawyer for it, it does not need to defend itself though it is always in constant trial.

I refuse to be a HERO for being a suspect of crime of whatever magnitude. Ask yourself what kind of a HERO you are...


THE TRUTH will surely catch up with you Mr. HERO of crime.

Kibaki Please come!

I must now say that we face a grim situation come 2012 after the elections. Against this gloomy forcasting is a President, watching with a throb and blood thirst for another round of senseless killings. I say this without fear of contradiction.

Let me digress, President Kibaki is the one under whose watch elections were botched, precipitating mayhem, even thus, as President at that time, he watched as tribes set upon one another and maimed, raped, killed and burnt. If he was not sitting on his haunches as butcheringwas going on in The Rift Valley and the retaliatory attacks in Naivasha, he was tacit tly approving thorugh acts oc ommission the butchery of Kenyans by security apparatus.

Let us take the current scenario, as political temperatures rise, as politicians ran around raising tribal and ethnic hatred, The President, the only man with the mandate to protect lives and property, the one who took and oath to protect every Kenyans from any form of aggression, the one to whom all security apparatus report, the one who gets intelligence briefs every other week, seems to be oblivious of the looming chaos that every Kenyan feels in every corner of our county which even the pre trial judge chambers at the ICC have warned about.

It is dismaying and very disconcerting that a President under whose watch hundreds died, many more displaced and several thousands still living in camps can be gravely unconcerned with the turn of events is a vindication that the political class works for interests of fellow lords of impunity. How can one explain the efforts put towards protecting the Ocampo 6, the hundreds of millions sunk into shuttle diplomacy, the rumours that the public is picking the bill for the lavishness accorded the Hague 6 while we have never seen such aggressive campaigns to resettle, one and for all, the IDP issue?

How one earth can such a government be so naive as to hinge peaceful co-existance between two formerly antagonistic yet populous tribes of Kenya on new found friendship of two suspects of crimes against humanity without any further effort towards truth, justice and true reconciliation? Has this resolved the land problems in the Rift Valley? I doubt. What will happen when the two are not political players anymore? Is the Kibaki regime aware that these two may just fall out when Ocampo begins openning up evidence the two political camps gave against each other?

It is very sad indeed, that Kenya has such an impevious old man for President when his peers under similar circumstances, such as Mandela, led their nations out of years of upheaval back to sanity.

Kibaki has squandered every single chance fate has bestowed on him to unite Kenya, starting with the 2002 elections, the 2005 Constitutional Referendum, the 2007 elections and is busy squandering the goodwill that Kenyans bestowed upon him to lead the 2nd Republic after the promulgation of the new Katiba just last year.

If age is wisdom, then we need to redefine wisdom in the context of such calous old leaders.

It is time Kenyans came out strongly to reclaim our country from this abuse and diasbuse the political class of the nortion that we can continually fight tribal wars on their behalf and for their benefit.